Dipped in Cheese

It seems like days since I posted here. I forgot that I'd pledged to tell the world about my plight. My plight this week weighed most of two hundred pounds. Her name was 'Ethel' (it wasn't really but you know the game) and she was into spicy food. Funny how women are guided by their sense more than men. I think we play our games in our minds more than women do. We like to imagine stockings or power fetishes whereas women like Ethel think in terms of touch and taste.

You probably find all this very dull but when you're less than four feet tall having a red pepper wedged between your cheeks takes dedication to your craft. Not that there's much craft to being a midget gigolo. There's just strange experiences that you have to quickly adapt to.

'I've always like hot food,' said Ethel after the first hour of getting to know each other. It usually takes a woman that long to get used to have me around.

'Okay,' I replied, standing over her. She was lying down and I was wearing a jockey's uniform. One of my stock costumes.

'In fact I've always liked red peppers. You know the ones that are really hot.'

'Do you have any in?'

She nodded as though she were a naughty schoolgirl. Strange how strong women become fragile when they're being intimate. She climbed off the bed, which sent be bouncing the other way. Lucky I didn't break my leg when I hit the chair on the other side.

When she came back, she had a jar of red peppers, a bag of plain Doritos and a jar of nacho cheese. The rest you don't need to know. Peppers have a most unfortunate shape for a man in my line of work. Not only is there no hole they won't fit down but their tapered end means that once they're in there, they don't want to come out without lots of effort. That's where Ethel seemed to have the most fun. She turned me every which way, spanked me, shook me, and ended up using a knitting needle.

I don't mind being humiliated. I don't even mind being put in dangerous situations by big women with spicy breath. What I do object to is picking nacho cheese from my arse all weekend.