Living By The River

I live in a part of the city where the trees bloom early. The culture of the river infects all of us who live near it. It makes us feel European and, when you're under four feet tall, being European makes you feel somehow bigger. I guess it's how the Dutch must feel.

This morning I'm feeling relieved that another Friday night has passed without my getting hurt. I bruise quite easily, though I'm solidly built. Last night, 'Sandra' had me spank her. It's one of the least satisfying parts of my job but at least I came home without injury. Being there for sexual jobs is different than having to act out a role. She's had be do some crazy things. I once had to dress as an otter and have biological washing power rubbed into my arse. She then had me splash about in a inflatable swimming pool as she tried to grab hold of my slippery body. Then there was the time when she organised a drinks party for her friends who are into S&M. She hired a polish decorator to hang me from a light fitting and I spent a whole evening hanging there, wearing false breasts and play requests on the harmonica. It's how I happen to know that 'Moon River' is the favourite song of masochists.

I'm not saying what is or isn't right. We all have out sexual needs and some are just more imaginative than others. But after pimping my body for three years, I think that some people's brains are wired more elaborately than others. Sandra is not typical of the woman who normally hire gigolos. They're typically successful, unmarried, older and heavier than the average. Sandra is old money and stick thin. She expects a service and pays well. But it's never my place to question what she wants. I think it's probably why her brain is so uniquely wired. At some time, it was people like Sandra who made this country great. Now they're just into otters, washing powder, and the sound of the harmonica. And midgets. Let's not forget us midgets. It's because of Sandra that I'm having salmon for dinner tonight followed by a good wine and then friends around. Without women like Sandra, I wouldn't live in my exquisite, customised apartment by the river.